Deciding to Surrender
Zoë Hart figuring out which vehicle energy she wants to attract.
They say that periods of solitude are necessary for growth. I have been leaning into my solitude to learn how to be my best friend, to be source of the energy that I expect, and how to navigate through the expectations and opinions of others.
They say that periods of solitude are necessary for growth. I have been leaning into my solitude to learn how to be my best friend, be the source of the energy that I expect, and how to navigate through the expectations and opinions of others. About six months ago, I was ready to start using all of my inner work in the real world. I decided that it was time to get out of my cocoon and start attending conferences and events and socializing in several ecosystems that included people outside my most intimate circle. This process spurred so much understanding about who I am and my place in this world. I realized once again that I’m not supposed to be like anyone else. I’m meant to be here during this time-space continuum to share my love and talents with the world.
About seven months ago, I finished writing my memoir about love and entrepreneurship. Simultaneously, I was in the process of letting go of my attachment to the person who got me through Covid. The first day we met, we were introduced over text message as being like-minded individuals. After talking on the phone for four hours, I knew that my next chapter would involve him somehow. During that chapter, I overcame some of the relationship trauma that I endured in the past, and I learned that I could feel safe again. While this was all good and well, our trust in each other was simply the extent of us, and it was time for me to move on and try this thing called love once again.
So, I went to an energy healer who gave me a process to let go of my past loves. The recipe had many components, but the part that I could organize my thoughts around the most was the journaling process. I have journaled daily for most of my life, so I was excited to continue. The recipe included writing for three days about every loving memory that you wanted to let of, followed by two days of writing about the experiences that I wanted to create. At the end of this five-day process, I felt like a burden was lifted off of my shoulders. I felt free and secure, and ready. A few days later, I boarded my first flight in over a year to attend an event in Florida. On my way back to Atlanta, a guy asked me on a date in the Delta Sky Club, and for the first time in years, I said yes. Funny enough, it ended up being one of those crazy travel days full of delays and cancelations, even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. So we got our first date out of the way since we ended up being in the airport together for 9 hours before heading back to Atlanta. While our relationship was merely for a season, he definitely showed me that I was ready for love. Furthermore, he showed me how it felt only to have experiences that were good enough for you without compromise. The entire time we were together, I felt that every experience we had was a VIP experience. The experience of being loved by this Jamaican man reminded me of many of the daydreams I locked away. He broke open that lock and helped me remember that I can have anything that I desire, and for that, I will always be grateful to him.
So when my relationship ended with the guy that I met in the Delta Sky Club, I let myself process it for a while. I ended up telling my friend that I was single, and he shared that he was as well. It was the first time that we’d both been single at the same time since we met. At that point, the Universe told me to let him know that I’d say yes if he asked me on a date. So for the first time in my entire life, I told a man, “Just so you know, if you asked me out, I’d say yes.” He was totally shocked. I later learned that he wondered about us dating as well. A month later, he asked me on a date, and we experienced growth through each other for a spell. He showed me that we’re never too old for PDA, that we can be the source of our emotions regardless of the situation, and that there is no excuse ever needed for eating a perfect meal. He was the first person that I had no doubts about dating in over a decade. I really needed to know that this feeling was possible as I thought that feeling was only for daydreams. But when he told me that love wasn’t currently an urgent priority in his life, I knew that it was time for another shift in understanding and perspective.
I gave myself time to cry, reflect and process. I always decided that the love that I felt would stay intact. I thought this was my forever love. Loving him felt familial. But, I knew what the process was like and did the work that I needed to do to remain grounded in the knowledge that love is always available and I’m on my divine path.
On the same day that we paused our romance, I received a gift that i had wanted for eight years, VIP admittance to the Mayor’s Masked Ball. This event was typically invite-only and sold out in most years before ticket sales were open to the public. The event was the type of social event that I had always dreamed of attending in my youth. But, every year, the tickets were just a breath away. But this year was different. While I was still in shock, I received a text from a friend stating that he had a ticket for me to attend the gala. I immediately said yes and glowed the rest of the day. As I had learned the year before in my law of attraction efforts to attend, I already had three outfit options ready to go in my closet. I choose to wear gold and share my bright light in the midst of primarily dark designer elegance. The result was a smashing success.
While at the gala, I realized how many people I knew there. I was able to catch up with people that I hadn’t seen in years, and I was able to commune with new people. It was a perfect evening. I arrived at 6 pm to attend the VIP reception. Next, I headed upstairs to find my table at the event. The first people who sat down were instant friends and made me laugh nonstop all night. Later, a party of three sat next to me. When I introduced myself to the guy sitting next to me, he said, ‘Roshawnna, I’m XXXX. I interact with all of your posts on LinkedIn.” I told him, as I tell everyone, that my online-to real-world connection is trash and that I was grateful to meet him. We ended up having an in-depth conversation on life, manifestations, and the process of deciding to be happy. He told me how much he loved that my heart was impact-driven, he loved my attention to fitness, and he thought that I was an amazing person. I knew at this point that the Universe sent him my way as a messenger to remind me that the design of me is perfect just as it is. I needed to hear many of these words, and sometimes when you ask, it is given, just not in the form you would expect. I had a perfect evening and ended up heading home after the gala instead of attending the after-party. I figured that the bliss I experienced this evening was perfect and that I could sleep soundly after an evening like this. So I left while Babyface went through a beautiful medley of his most successful music and glided home.
For the next few weeks, I reflected on the next stage in my existence on this earth. Whenever a relationship ends abruptly, whether romantic or not, I always take it as a sign to elevate my life experience. I started listening to my favorite books for at least 4 hours per day, including ‘The Game of Life and How to Play It,‘ “How to Reprogram your Subconscious Mind, “Power versus Force,’ and ‘The Strangest Secret.” I decided that it was time to fully become God’s Trophy Wife and that I would live a life in alignment with what that means to me. During this process, I realized that I needed to re-engage with two of my friends, Marvin and Sam. Both saw me and understood me in a way that most people didn’t. Marvin has the same depth of Cancerian love that I do, and Sam has been living in the 4th dimension for longer than I can remember. I needed a male’s perspective on both parts of me to help me surrender to my next chapter. Luckily the next day, Marvin texted me that he decided to drive up to ATL in the next week and wanted to know if I wanted to get together. Of course, I knew I partially manifested his physical presence and was grateful for him making the move. I reached out to Sam to request a manifestation meeting, which we scheduled at the end of the week. I knew, based on the ease of getting access to these two phenomenal energies, that I was on the right path and that it was time to really do the Surrender Experiment.